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If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, exhausted, or like you’re constantly running on empty, this episode is for you. We’re breaking down what the Window of Tolerance is, how it impacts your ability to handle stress, and—most importantly—how you can expand your window to feel more in control of your emotions, your parenting, and your life.
Grab your beverage of choice, take a deep breath, and let’s get started!
What is the Window of Tolerance?
🔹 Have you ever noticed that some days, the little things—like making lunch before school or a school bus on your mornign carpool —don’t bother you, but other days they push you over the edge? That’s because of your Window of Tolerance.
🔹 The Window of Tolerance is a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, and it describes the optimal state where we can think clearly, make good decisions, and stay emotionally regulated. When we’re inside this window, we can handle life’s challenges without feeling completely overwhelmed.
🔹 But here’s the problem—when we’re under chronic stress (hello, motherhood!), your window shrinks, making it easier to become dysregulated.
What Happens When You’re Outside Your Window?
🔻 Hyperarousal (Fight or Flight Mode):
- This is when you feel anxious, irritable, or reactive.
- Your heart might race, you snap at your kids, or you feel like you need to escape.
- Triggers: Running late, too much noise, feeling unsupported.
🔻 Hypoarousal (Shutdown Mode):
- This is when you feel numb, exhausted, or checked out.
- You might feel like you’re just going through the motions or even struggle to get out of bed.
- Triggers: Too much stress over time, feelings of helplessness.
How to Stay in Your Window of Tolerance
1️⃣ Identify Your Triggers:
- Keep a journal or use the Notes app on your phone.
- Notice what moments make you snap or shut down.
2️⃣ Build Your Stress Resilience Toolbox:
- Deep breathing (try box breathing: inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4).
- Movement (short walks, stretching, dancing with your kids).
- Sensory reset (weighted blankets, warm or cold showers, soft music).
- Create routines to start and end your day
3️⃣ Set Boundaries & Give Yourself Grace:
- Remind yourself: You are doing enough!
- Say NO without guilt.
- Prioritize rest—even if it’s just 10 minutes.
✨ Moms, your nervous system is not meant to run on overdrive 24/7. Understanding your Window of Tolerance helps you recognize when you’re feeling off and gives you the power to shift back into a regulated state.
How to Regulate Your Window of Tolerance
When you know what your personal signs of hyperarousal, hypoarousal, and your Window of Tolerance then you can use the techniques to stay within your Window of Tolerance.
A few questions to identify what your Window of Tolerance is in any situation.
Hyperaroused: (1) What are some signs that you’re in or entering into a hyperaroused state? (2) What are some practical things you could do to move you back into your Window of Tolerance?
Hypoaroused: (1) What are some signs that your’re in or entering into a hypoaroused state? (2) What are some practical things you could do to move you back into your Window of Tolerance?
What are some signs that you are within your window of tolerance?
Self-Reflection Questions to Identify Your Window of Tolerance
1️⃣ Recognizing Your Current State
- How do I feel in my body right now? (Tense, calm, numb, restless?)
- Am I thinking clearly, or do I feel foggy and overwhelmed?
- Do I feel present in the moment, or am I reacting on autopilot?
2️⃣ Identifying Triggers
- What just happened that made me feel this way?
- Are there common situations that push me into stress or shutdown?
- What times of the day do I feel the most overwhelmed?
3️⃣ Understanding Your Reactions
- When I feel stressed, do I tend to overreact (fight/flight) or shut down (freeze)?
- What are my go-to coping mechanisms—do they help or make things worse?
- How do I usually recover from stress, and how long does it take?
4️⃣ Expanding Your Window
- What activities help me feel grounded and calm?
- How can I create moments of pause before reacting?
- What small daily habits can help me stay within my Window of Tolerance longer?
📄 FREE WORKSHEET: What’s Your Window of Tolerance?
Identify your stress patterns and learn how to stay calm under pressure! Grab your copy today!
Want more tools to manage stress and navigate motherhood with confidence? Sign up for my newsletter at dyslexiamomlife.com for weekly tips and encouragement!
Until next time, take a deep breath—you got this!
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
- Episode 130: Understanding Your Child’s Dyslexia Workshop
- Subscribe to the Better Together Newletter
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