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Early in my dyslexia parenting journey, I took every piece of advice as gospel. I was so eager to learn everything I could get my hands on about dyslexia that I rarely stopped to ask, does this actually make sense for my parenting journey and the best way to help my daughter?
But over the years, I learned a valuable lesson: not all advice is good advice. Some of the most common expert tips can actually steer you in the wrong direction.
The truth is, every child with dyslexia is different, and what works for one child might not work for another. That’s why your intuition is so important!
Some of my biggest wins have come from doing the exact opposite of what the so-called “rules” say to do.
Today, I’m sharing five pieces of bad dyslexia advice I’m so glad I ignored. Let’s dive in!
1. “Stuggling to idenifty sight words could be developmental. Let’s wait and see if it clicks later in the school year.”
At first, I kind of agreed with this one. When we started to notice our daughter struggling to learn her sight words in first grade we were told let’s wait and see if it clicks later in the year. At the time, I was so frustrated with her! We would study the sight words flash cards throughout the week. By the end of the week, she had “forgotten” how to spell them. She would act silly as a distraction and I would get so upset with her. Now, I feel horrible for not recognizing what was happening.
So, I started to ask questions. I followed by instincts.
What I Learned:
The earlier a child is taught to read in a structured, multisensory, and systematic method the better! The later we wait for intervention and remediation the harder it is for children to rewire how the brain processes reading skills. The brain’s ability to change and adapt in response to repetitive experiences (brain plasticity) is strongest in early childhood. It’s not impossible but it makes it harder on the child not to mention the social-emotional impact it has on the child to wait.
2. “You just need to have her read more at home.”
This one just made me feel like a failure as a parent! Forcing your child to read without the tools to decode words is not only miserable for both of you but it also does not solve the fact she is struggling to learn to read.
Eventually, this one started to make a little more sense to me. The more books and vocabulary she was exposed to the more it increased her verbal vocabulary and provided her more context to langauge. However, reading alone did not help her become a better reader.
What I Learned:
Instead of feeling the pressure to have her reading at night I took an inventory of our home. What are we modeling for her? At the time, my husband and I were reading on our phones and Kindles. So, I decided to not only continue to add to our library of books at home but model reading and talking about what I was reading. I laid my phone down and picked up a physical book. Then, we started taking our daughter to book stores and letting her explore. I have to admit there are some books she bought that she decided later not to read. But even to this day 6 years later she loves to go to a book store to shop and prefers to have a book in her hand then read on a device. The only exception to this is that over the summer we tried a Kindle Unlimited free trial and she loved it. She reads samples of books to see what she might like before we buy a physcial book and she can search for books under specific topics. If you want to try a free trial of Kindle Unlimited, I will leave a link for your in the show notes at dyselxiamomlife.com. What is great about it is the entire family can use the account to read and listen to books.
3. “She is too smart to have a dyslexia. She needs to try harder.”
I hear this one all the time from moms. Dyslexics struggle to learn to read but in other areas of their lives they excel in their strengths – that may be math, soccer, or art.
Unfortunately, until dyslexia touches you in a personal way either your own dyslexia, a child with dyslexia, or as a teacher who is having trouble connecting with a student, adults cannot make sense out of why this bright, smart child might have a disabilty. And why parents are sometimes told their child needs to try harder and not be so lazy.
What I Learned:
With dyslexia being an invisible disability or difference, you can’t see it. It is hard for adults to understand what they cannot see. In teaching programs, there is not an emphasis on teaching reading through structured literacy. In my elementary education program, I was never introduced to the structured literacy approach to teaching.
Also, our kids are trying hard every single day. They attend school school all-day and spend lots of energy just holding it together. Not only do our kids struggle to get through a day surrounded by words but also not stand out as the kid struggling among their peers. But, no matter how hard they do try it eventually catches them. So, early identification and intervention is the key! But, it is never too late either. You found this podcast for a reason – you want more for your child and you want your child to be happy and successful.
4. “Are you sure she is dyslexic? She can read the eye chart just fine.”
When we were starting our dyselxia journey with our daughter in first grade, there were many people along the way that did not believe she was dyslexic or that dyslexia even exists. As a parent tyring to figure out what this struggle really is and how to help her, it added to the stress of things.
I will never forget the time we were getting her vision checked and had just learned she was dyslexic. I believe we had even decided to move across Atlanta so she could attend a dyslexia school. Our family optometrist was asking how we were doing and we shared that we would be moving. He looked at me strangely and said, “are you sure she is dyslexic? she can read the eye chart just fine.” I realized at that moment that not everyone was going to understand our journey. It was a kick in the gut that an educated doctor did not even know what dyslexia meant. To be honest, I thought about sending him Dr. Shaywitz book on Overcoming Dyslexia.
What I Learned:
What this expereince taught me was that I needed to have an understanding and a simple way to explain our daughter’s dyslexia to others, including family, friends, and even medical providers. Telling our daughter was easier than explaining what was going on with her to other adults in our life. What it did was force me to figure out a simple way to explain dyslexia to others that did not label our daughter.
To explain dyslexia to family, friends, and teachers, use simple language, emphasize that it’s a learning difference, not a reflection of intelligence, and focus on the strengths and strategies for success, rather than just the challenges.
1. Start with a Basic Definition:
- Explain that dyslexia is a learning difference, not a sign of low intelligence.
- Describe it as a neurological variation that affects how the brain processes language.
- Highlight that it primarily impacts reading, spelling, and writing, but can also affect other areas like organization and memory.
2. Emphasize Strengths and Positives:
- Point out that many successful people, including artists, scientists, and entrepreneurs, have dyslexia.
- Focus on the unique strengths that often accompany dyslexia, such as creativity, problem-solving, and visual-spatial skills.
- With the right support and strategies, individuals with dyslexia can thrive.
3. Provide Specific Examples:
- Explain how dyslexia might manifest in everyday life, such as difficulty with reading aloud, spelling words correctly, or following directions.
- Share examples of strategies that can help, such as using audiobooks, graphic organizers, or assistive technology.
- Encourage family members to be patient and understanding, and to offer support in a positive and encouraging way.
4. Encourage Open Communication:
- Create a safe space for family members to ask questions and share their concerns.
- Family members may share their own story of struggle with you and realize they too may be dyslexic. I mention this one because it can take you by surprise when it happens.
5. “If she uses audiobooks to read, then she will never learn to read.”
We are huge advocates for audiobooks, but along our journey I have been discouraged from using audiobooks with our daughter. I have been told that using audiobooks will result in her not learning to read.
What I Learned:
There are lots of decisions parents have to make along this journey. This is one area we embraced early on! How do we provide our daughter the opportunity to read the same books her friends are reading her younger cousin is reading, and that she wants to read but can’t on her own.
The answer for our daughter was Learning Ally. Our daughter and her schools have been using Learning Ally with her for years. It has made a huge difference for her. Not only was it created for dyslexic learners but it is so user-friendly. She has a virtual bookshelf of books she has chosen and with thousands of titles we can use it along with required reading at school.
As a parent, I love Learning Ally (they do not sponsor the podcast) for another reason. As the audio reads the book, it also highlights the words. This provides the reader the opporutnity to follow along.
I learned that this journey is different for everyone. You choose what that journey looks like for your child and family. in our family listening to audiobooks counts as reading! I currently commute 3 hours a day for my job and with the Amazon Audible app I can keep up with my reading interests. No surprise to you I am sure that I adjust the reading speed up so I can get through more content!
Bonus: 6. “Just Google it!”
There has never been a better time to do research where we can type in a search in Google, ask Siri, or type a prompt into and AI app, however, two things happen:(1) information overload – search results can be overwhelming and (2) what and who to trust, how do I know this is the best advice for my child?
It is so easy to Google a question or ask a Facebook community. Believe me there is no shortage of opinion on the Internet.
What I Learned:
After reading lots of books on dyslexia, joining countless Facebook groups, and yes asking Google lots of questions in the middle of the night when I could not sleep, I realized two things: (1) I have to trust myself and what I know about my daughter and (2) decide what the next step will be not the tenth.
There are lots of advice every direction that you look. I had to decide on the few places that I trusted that included the Georgia Dyslexia Association, International Dyslexia Association, and Dr. Shaywitz books and website, The Yale Center for Dyslexia and Creativity. When the other noise got too loud, I would take a break from everything else.
My Advice for You – Trust Yourself
If there’s one thing I hope you take away from this it’s that: there is no one-size-fits-all approach to dysleixa or your parenting journey raising a child with dyslexia. Just because something is popular advice doesn’t mean it’s the right fit for you!
I want for you to constantly be filtering through your own filter as to what advice is meant for you, what makes sense for you, what resonates with you, and what is exciting to you. Give yourself permission to leave anything else behind without guilt, without shame, and without questioning your judgment! You know your child, your family, and your financial situation better than anyone else.
So, friend, I hope you trust yourself. Question the advice others are giving you, and don’t be afraid to carve out your own path. Although others have found success or failure with a particular school, tutor, or program does not mean your child will have the same expereince. Every child with dyslexia has a unique dyslexia profile.
That’s it for today’s episode! I hope this episode was helpful, if it was please share the episode with another mom who needs to hear this. And if you’re loving the podcast, I’d be so grateful if you left a review on Apple Podcasts.
Until next time, remember: you got this, and I’m cheering for you every step of the way.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
- Kindle Unlimited
- Audible
- Learning Ally
- Overcoming Dyslexia by Dr. Shaywitz
- Episode 130: Understanding Your Child’s Dyslexia Workshop
- Subscribe to the Better Together Newsletter
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